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“我是谁?” by Alexandru Pop (带有英文原文)

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发表于 25-4-2016 01:30 PM | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
那个标志着我作为一个人的经历的,自我开始懂事时起,是那种强烈缺少本质元素的感觉。我从不知道如何确切描述这个欠缺,但随着时间的推移,我发现这种欠缺全人类都有。

自从我开始记事起,我通过寻找那个缺块儿来完美地填入我的生活之谜,试图填充这个内在的间隙。我记得,当我还是个小孩儿的时候,我周围的每个人都不断责备我对自己拥有的从不满意。从一个我不能欣赏的新玩具,到我不能给予与我亲近的人适当的尊重。

随着时间的推移,这种不满从未离我而去,像个不倦的影子跟着我。从友情关系到学校,爱好和情感,职业。。。我继续遇到同样的缺少意义和目标。这样,有一天我告诉自己无论什么代价或结果,我将找到我如此绝望地渴求的那个意义和完整感。

我就这样开始了我的探寻。我一开始寻求了很多。我发现我被神秘主义,呼吸和放松技巧所吸引。曾有约两年时间,从我14岁时起,我就试了几乎所有可用的方法:从宇宙移动式呼吸到黄教,游行到南美,冥思,这个单子延续很长。

但所有这些经历结果只有一个共同点:它们在满足我极需知道我是谁上都可悲地失败了。

我失败了无数次。诸多技巧,诸多失败。什么都不行但有一小段时间。。。些许小瞥但很快又回到同样的影子。终于,我放弃了,回去过正常生活。我完全失望了。

那样感觉并没持续很长。一天,我爸爸给我看了"Adyashanti" 的一个录像,一个来自美国的所谓的心灵导师。我马上就被他吸引了,从第一眼就认识到他的呈现,那散发出来的东西。。。正是我一直寻求的。通过 Adyashanti,我终于找到了一个真实的方向,一个其它一切到那时都无济于事的方向。

一年后,我参加了Adyashanti 的一个灵修班。他经常在美国各地举办这样的灵修班。我感到不顾一切的冲动,要把这帆船划到底,无论它将把我带向何处。那是一个生与死的情形。我必须得知道这个我们叫做“生命”的东西到底是什么。

于是,在十七岁,我发现自己坐在这位带有难以置信的精神呈现的人的脚下。我坐在第二排,只离Adyashanti几步远。在七天中的第三天,我将在静班中渡过。就在那时我告诉自己“这就是了。。。我的机会来终于找到我到底是谁。若不是此时此地,当我与我如此渴望地欲求的一位存在并生活的人如此近时,那什么时候什么地方我会找到?

我对那个确切问题将结束我所知道的真的一切毫无线索。

我离开房间到花园去散步。我回想起感觉激烈的气愤和失望。我已疲惫不堪,所有的探寻,所有的废话,失败的努力,“开悟的大师”,老师和大师,这个那个的。

我坐在一个面向河流的长凳上,突然我有一个异常而强有力的念头。我意识到,无论我将是谁,无论我将会有什么职业,无论我将会有多少成功或不可比翼的成 就。。。那种探寻,那种躁动。。。无论那是什么,它都不会让我安宁。如果我在那时不曾做什么,我或许会发现自己,20年后,成为“一个成功人士”,却心中带有同样的间隙。当时我必须做些什么。

我闭上眼睛,把所有努力集中在一个问题上:
我是谁?

就在那一刻,在那个长凳上,我所有的探寻都受挫了。
就在那一刻,我里面的什么死了。
就在那一刻,我开始真的活了。
所有让我不能幸福的尚寻求幸福本身。
所有让我不能自由的尚寻求自由本身。
以具有讽刺意味的,全然未预期的形式,我在找到真理上完全失败了。
你怎么能找到已经在那里的东西呢?

自那时起,我的生活就再也不一样了。我找到了安宁,之前我在那里只看到躁动和苦难。我找到了美,藏在我曾称作平凡普通的东西里。我在镜子中的那双眼睛里找到智慧,我在那些我前不久还认为是陌生人的眼睛里找到亲近。

当然,我并不知道接下来的两年巨变,一件又一件地剥去我不知我穿着的无意识的衣服。那肯定是一条长且有时困难前行的路,一个衷心与勇气的真实测验。

然而,这条路上的每一步都有独特的成长成熟意义。

如果你好奇,回答是是的,它完全值得。

现在,三年后,我坐在这里,写这些字,终于在家里了。

我从不曾猜到的,是这一直以来,我都在家里。事实上,我从未离开过。

怎样的一个玩笑啊。是我所有听说过中最好的。在所有的努力和纷争之后,我发现自己360度大转弯,就站在我开启时的地方。什么都没变,然而什么都不再一样了。

完美的悖论。

多么甜美的失望,多么的自由。

我为什么向你讲这些?

因为我知道我们的灵魂由同一种材料织成。

或许不同的是过去,形状或颜色,但在一切之上,那让我们独特的,是从未分离我们的一切。

所有这些话语都只是一份邀请。邀请到那不可言表的。

拉着我的手,让我们共同行走在这没有边际的路上,直到大笑阻止我们的脚步,爱充满我们的眼神。


*****
英文原文:
“Who am I?”
What marked my experience as a human being, ever since I’ve known myself to be one, was the acute sense of lack of an essential element. I never knew how to exactly describe this lack, but with the passing of time, I discovered that it was shared by the entire human race.

For as long as I can remember, I tried to fill up this inner gap, by searching for that one piece to fit perfectly into the puzzle of my life. I remember that, since I was just a child, everyone around me kept reproaching to me that I was never satisfied with what I have got. From a new toy that I couldn’t appreciate, to the people close to me to whom I couldn’t offer the proper respect.

Time went on, but the dissatisfaction remained, following me like an untiring shadow. From relationships to school, hobbies and passions, career… I was encountering the same lack of meaning and purpose. And thus, one day I told myself that no matter the costs or consequences, I was going to find the meaning and sense of completeness that I was so desperately longing for.

So began my search. And I searched, like, a lot. In the beginning, I found myself drawn to mysticism, breathing and relaxing techniques. There was a period of about 2 years, starting from when I was 14 when I literally tried almost everything there was available: from holotropic breathing to shamanism, journeys to South America, meditation, and the list goes on.

Yet all these experiences turned out to have only one thing in common: they all failed lamentably in satisfying my burning need of knowing who I truly am.

I failed countless times. As many techniques, as many failures. Nothing seemed to work but for a short period of time…small glimpses that soon returned to the same shadow. Eventually, I gave up, getting back to living a “normal” life. I was completely disappointed.

I didn’t get to feel that for too long, though. One day, my dad showed me a video of “Adyashanti”, a so-called “spiritual teacher” from the United States. I was instantly drawn to him, acknowledging from the first sight that his presence, what it emanated…was exactly what I’ve been looking for all along. Through Adyashanti, I finally found an authentic direction, a direction that all else failed to offer me until then.

One year later, I participated in one of Adyashanti’s retreats, that he usually held throughout the States. I felt a desperate urge to sail this boat until the end, no matter where it was going to lead me. It was a life and death situation. I just had to know what this thing that we call “life” truly is.

Thus, at 17 years of age, I found myself sitting at the feet of this man of incredible presence and clarity. I was sitting in the second row, at just a few steps from Adyashanti. It was the third day from a total of 7 that I was going to spend in “silent retreat”. It was right then when I told myself “This is it…my chance to finally find out who I really am. If not now and here, when I’m so close to someone who is and lives what I so eagerly desire, when and where will I find out?”

I had no clue that that exact question was going to herald the end of everything I knew to be true.

I got out of my room and went for a walk in the garden. I recall feeling intense anger and disappointment. I was exhausted from all the searching, all the bullshit, the failed attempts, the “enlightened gurus”, teachers and masters, blah, blah, blah.

I sat on a bench facing the river and suddenly, I had an unusually powerful thought. I realised that, no matter who I would have been, no matter what career I would have had, no matter how much success or unparalleled achievements I would have had…that search, that restlessness…whatever that was, it was never going to let me be at peace. If I wouldn’t have done something at that time, I would have probably found myself, 20 years later, a “successful man”, with the same gap in his heart. I had to do something right then.

I closed my eyes and concentrated all my efforts on just one question: Who am I?

In that very moment, on that bench, all of my searches have been thwarted.
In that very moment, something in me died.
In that very moment, I began to be truly alive.
All that has ever stopped me from being happy was the search for happiness.
All that has ever stopped me from being free was the search for freedom.
In an utterly ironic and unexpected fashion, I completely failed in finding the truth.
How can you find something that’s already there?

Since then, my life has never been the same again. I found peace, where before I was seeing only restlessness and suffering. I found beauty, hidden in what I used to call mundane and ordinary. I found wisdom, in those eyes in the mirror and closeness in the eyes of those whom I used to consider strangers not long ago.

And sure, I had no idea that what was going to follow, were 2 years of radical changes, of stripping away one by one of all the unconscious garments I was wearing without knowing. It was for sure a long, sometimes difficult road to walk on, a true test of faith and courage.

Yet, every single step on this road had the unique purpose of growth and maturation.

And if you’re wondering, the answer is yes, it was completely worth it.

Now, 3 years later, I’m sitting here, writing these words, finally at Home.

What I would have never guessed, was that in all this time, I was already at Home. In fact, I never have actually left it.

What a joke. The best from all that I have heard of. After all the striving and the strife, I find myself at 360 degrees, right where I started from. Nothing changed, yet nothing is the same anymore.

The perfect paradox.

How sweet of a disappointment, what freedom.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I know that our souls are woven from the same fabric.

Maybe what differs is the past, shape or colour, but beyond all that makes us unique, is all that has never separated us.

All these words are nothing but an invitation. An invitation to that which cannot be poured into words.

Take my hand, and let us walk this borderless road together until laughter will throttle our steps, and love will fill up our glances.

– Alexander Pop

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发表于 26-4-2016 02:38 PM | 显示全部楼层
你是谁。这样的事本可问问你父母。
要是没有父母,就有其他的可能。
可能是弃婴?可能是机械人?
弃婴,自然是有父母。不过,因某种原因,不被承认。
假如是机械人,得看设计你的人,工程师,软件的程式书写者啦。
近年来很多这样的产品面市。看看招贴纸上面的产品出厂记录。
或者,可以说明一切。
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 楼主| 发表于 26-4-2016 07:35 PM | 显示全部楼层
开悟的两大障碍:

1. 认为开悟太稀有了,轮不到自己;
2. 认为自己已知道自己是谁了,或对自己的“定义”坚信不疑。

若能开始怀疑这两个假设,

1. 自己其实并不绝对知道开悟真的太稀有,轮不到自己......
2. 自己其实并不绝对知道所认为的那个“我”是真的或绝对的......

这样开悟就有了机会和可能......

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发表于 3-5-2016 08:49 PM | 显示全部楼层
这个不一定 到时要看情况
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